The results of my online detox experiment and how it has affected my writing

November 25, 2015 by 10 Comments

I wrote recently getting a handle on online distractions that keep you from writing, and prior to that, about cutting back on the online distractions that were cluttering my head.

I’ve been highly interested in this topic because I could feel my life-energy being sapped by these distractions and it’s been really bothering me, despite the many changes I’ve already made. I do a good job of protecting my actual writing time from email and other online stuff, but the rest of my life? Not so much.

And it was mostly because of my phone. My computer use feels manageable. My TV consumption is minimal (though I have been watching lots of Prison Break and Breakout Kings as I’m prepping a sci-fi prison movie right now!). Having said that, I like being able to use my phone to read ebooks in the dark late at night without waking the baby (who sleeps in the same room) and being able to write on it when I want to.

But I don’t like feeling like I can’t be without it. Ever. YUCK.

(And honestly, the picture I’ve chosen to accompany this post keeps freaking me out — it seems entirely emblematic of how so many of us are viewing our world through the filter of a device… constantly.)

My email trap

It was email that was really my last “hook” — I rationalized that as a business owner, I need to stay on top of things and make sure nothing was falling through the cracks. But that notion kept me constantly checking to see if I had any new messages. 

And not only did I feel guilty for oh so frequently “checking” my phone when I was around my kids, I didn’t like the way my brain felt always cluttered by all the checking, even after I’d taken Facebook off my phone, turned off almost all the notifications in the lock screen and more. It was like being tied into other people’s energy and needs was keeping me on edge, in a hyper vigilant state of awareness and constant readiness. Again, YUCK. 

Finding the courage and support to make a change

So I decided to participate in a “Look Up” two week online use “detox” program and see what shifts I could make.

We worked through a four-step process of first defining what we want, noticing what impulses were driving the behavior to check in online, accepting that those feelings and impulses (often discomfort) would not necessarily change but that we could learn new ways to deal with them, and finally choosing what we wanted instead. Then, every day, we answered simple journal prompts every morning to set our intentions for the day about our online use and how we wanted our days to go, and every evening, about how it went and what we learned.

I deleted Gmail from my phone

Initially I found myself sort of skirting the edges of changing my phone use, testing the water, seeing how it felt just to consider cutting back. (Which just shows how powerful an addiction it can be!)

Even before the program started, I installed the app called “Moment” so I could see how much time I was actually spending on my phone, and how many times I was picking it up. So in some ways it was good that I wasn’t changing anything initially, but just observing. And it was kind of scary. There was one day, prior to the program, where I picked up my phone FORTY-NINE times. 49!! It’s embarrassing even to put that in print.

On about Day 3 of the 14-day program I decided to take Gmail off my phone entirely. For good measure, I took off Chrome too, so my second-biggest, “let me just look that up real quick” excuse was gone too. I still have Safari there but since it wasn’t my go-to program it just doesn’t have the same attraction. While I was at it, I turned off every other kind of lock screen, pop up, and banner notification I could find on my phone (except iMessage and Reminders, which I do use) and on my computer.

It was so worth it.

I felt sort of jittery for about 24 to 48 hours, still on that automatic “must-check-now” auto-alert. It was mildly frightening to feel so much like Pavlov’s Dog. Again, YUCK. 

What changed for me

After that, everything got a lot more calm.

I found myself feeling much more present in my life and to my family.

My brain felt quieter, calmer, more alert.

I had more energy.

I started reading REAL BOOKS and putting my hands on REAL THINGS like baking food, drawing, collaging. I noticed that when I felt the urge to “check” I could make tea, or snuggle with my boys, or GO OUTSIDE and look up at the beautiful amazing sky that helps make life on this planet possible. 

I also found that I could still use my devices for certain things: Kindle, Netflix, the timer, the calculator, iMessages, writing, and other apps I love and find incredibly useful without it taking over my time and energy. My phone became a tool again, instead of a constant companion or savior or whatever it was actually doing for me. It’s been interesting to walk the line of finding what online use works for me and what doesn’t, at least for right now.

I found myself being crystal clear about times when I absolutely did NOT want to be consuming any online stuff at all and have had a few spans of totally unplugged time (something I used to do weekly) and LOVED it.

It’s started to feel kind of gross to be looking at my phone.

So I just don’t do it much anymore. It mostly stays in my office, on the charger, except when I need it when I’m out and want it for emergency phone calls, or if I need it for another purpose, like the calculator or timer. Again, it’s gone back to being a tool, and I like that.

I also found that the days have gotten So Much Longer! All those “little” checks and moments of time that were getting sucked into online use are suddenly mine again. My mind is clearer. My intentions are clearer each day. I feel more focused.

How my writing has changed

And as far as my writing goes, I have not noticed a huge change in my writing time, but I’m not surprised by that, since I’ve already been writing regularly and protecting my writing time well.

What I have noticed is that I feel readier to write when I sit down to do it. Now what swirls around in my brain when I’m out in the world is what I’m going to be writing about next, whether it’s a blog post, my current script, or the next big project that’s coming down the pipeline. It might sound like a small shift, but it’s huge. It feels like I’ve reclaimed my own territory again. And it’s such a relief.

 

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What would you require to give a writing grant?

July 30, 2015 by 8 Comments

I got to thinking today, after hearing about a writing grant opportunity recently, that it would be amazing to one day be able to fund and operate a writer’s grant program. Maybe even a residential one.

And instantly I started contemplating what I would want to see come in from prospective candidates with their applications.

Here’s what’s crossed my mind so far, in addition to the usual “proof of need” one might expect:

  • A specific writing project and a description of its current status, i.e. concept development, rough draft, in rewrites, etc.
  • A plan and timeline for completing it.
  • A pitch for the concept that gives a sense of its marketability, audience, and reach.
  • An outline of the writer’s plan for marketing the project.
  • Possibly also a slate of ideas for future writing projects.
  • An amazing writing sample demonstrating the writer’s potential.
  • A personal introduction that gave a strong sense of who they are as a person, in terms of their spirit, drive, passion, and personality.

I imagine this might be something similar to what a publisher would want, though that’s an area I haven’t explored yet. Some of these things might be of interest to a screenwriter’s manager as well.

What would be on your list?

I’m curious, if YOU had the money to give, what would be on your list of what you’d want to see from prospective candidate for a writing grant? Or if you were advising me on how to make sure I would attract and select writers best suited for making the most of a writing grant, what would you suggest?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not accepting applications yet nor will I be in a position to do something like that for the foreseeable future but I’m interested… :)

Can we use this now?

… Because:

What if we had those things right now for our current writing projects?

Would they help move us forward with a clearer sense of purpose, drive, and momentum? Or not?

What would it be like if we did?

 

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How I rebooted my blogging habit after baby #2

May 1, 2015 by 2 Comments

Pre-baby #2 last May, I was blogging on a weekly basis. I had a precision system in place. Every week during one of the 60-minute writing sprints we run for my community, I would knock out about 1000 words in 40 minutes, edit, proof, and polish it in the remaining 20, then grab an image and publish the whole shebang within maybe another 10 minutes or so. Then a few final tweaks to the copy in my mailing system and I was all set with my weekly post and newsletter (I have my blog set up to be pulled straight in to Aweber once it’s published on my site, then I broadcast it to my mailing list).

I had a SYSTEM. (And if you know me very well, you know how much I love a good system!)

It was fun, easy, and I was in a good rhythm with it for quite a few years. 

Then cue baby, stage right

But once baby #2 came, I knew all bets would be off. And they were.

In those early post-partum days, I was wandering around in a deep haze of physical exhaustion from the birth, breastfeeding and skin-to-skin induced oxytocin highs, and massive sleep deprivation and fragmentation – I was sleeping around the clock with the baby. In other words, all was as it should be. :)

But in the midst of it all, I still had (and have) a business to run. Since I knew it was going to be tough, I had planned to run a series of guest posts over the summer to keep the flow of content going. It was a great plan, and I had I realized what it would take I would have made it a higher priority to set up all the posts BEFORE the baby was born.

(Who am I kidding? The last 6 months of this pregnancy were tough and it was a minor miracle I did such a thorough job of prepping my team to keep things running in my absence! Still, in an ideal world, perhaps…)

In any case, it turns out that guest blog post editing and publishing takes me just as long if not longer than writing my own posts. Live and learn. Still, it was delightful to have a hiatus from being the solo content generator and it kept me in touch with writing and all of you. So once the baby shifted out of the long luxurious naps of The Early Days and into those short 40-minute jobs where there was no point in me trying to sleep anyway, I would get to work on guest posts and screenwriting assignments (and writing the occasional post myself, I think.)

But then the guest post series dried up and I found myself struggling to write the way I had before. Each post took me three times as long as it had in the past. I don’t know if it was the oxytocin/milk brain thing or the chronically tired mom thing or both, but blogging stopped coming so easily.

Then factor in the screenwriting I’m trying to keep up with for my master certificate program and blogging really started slipping through the cracks.

And something just wasn’t feeling right

In the bigger picture somewhere along the way I also stopped feeling satisfied with the WAY I was blogging. I wanted to SAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT or at least say it differently, but I wasn’t sure how or even what I exactly wanted to change.

Which led me to some soul searching.

Did I still want to blog?

Was there a different way I could see out there that I might want to try?

What struck me, eventually, was wanting to have more of a mix of posts. Some personal stories interspersed with the writing habit insights. Maybe even an opinion piece or two. Some longer pieces. And even a few occasional guest posts. Once that clarity emerged things got better. But it still wasn’t happening.

Creativity required

So my desire was clearer but my action plan was lacking.

One of the things about being an entrepreneur with a baby at home is that you have to be flexible, creative, and resourceful at all times.

Now he’s older and is sleeping for longer naps again I have two small windows of time to work in each day, assuming all goes according to plan and there are no random dogs barking during nap time! (Ahem.) (His name is Colton, by the way, and he’s a cute as a kitten playing with a dust bunny.)

So that means I have approximately two to three baby-free hours each day to apportion between screenwriting, blogging, and keeping my Writer’s Circle in motion. Not a lot of time. Sure. I could hire a babysitter and I do have some temporary help right now, but I WANT to be with my son while he is little like this.

Which is exactly the point. As a writer, and a mom, I have to be super creative about when, where, and how I write. I also have to make sure I get enough down time and sleep or I cross the line into crazy mama land pretty quickly. And since the old pattern wasn’t working, I had to come up with a new one.

Finding new times to write

My new favorite time of day to blog is that small window of time before I go to sleep and after the kids are in bed. I’ve learned that I can write in Markdown text on my iPhone in an app with a nice dark mode (Byword) while snuggled in bed. It’s the perfect time to empty my brain of the blog posts I’ve been mentally composing all day (turns out that part of my issue lately has been having too much to say – it gets overwhelming and gums up the works without an outlet for expression).

The key is just making sure I get into bed early enough to write without messing up my sleep. On the other hand, sometimes sleep is hard to come by and having the flexibility to read or write in the middle of the night can be a mental relief rather than lying in the dark working out sentences and trying to keep them in my head until I have time to write them down. Plus it leaves my daytime work slots free for screenwriting and running my business.

Then in the morning I can sync up my files with Scrivener or export them straight into my blog in perfectly formatted HTML.

And it led to finding a new voice and new creative expression

Somehow having a new system has unleashed my creativity again. (See? What did I tell you about me and systems?) I just needed a system that worked with my current lifestyle.

It’s such a good reminder that when your writing pattern stops working, it’s time to redesign your writing life to match.

And the most fascinating outcome for me has been a shift in my writing voice that feels even more like me. 

I love it. :)

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Unplugged.

March 27, 2013 by 10 Comments

Last weekend I experimented with something lovely: Unplugging.

It was precipitated by a comment from one of my Called to Write community members about wanting to feel truly relaxed.

I was reminded instantly of the deep relaxation I experience once a year when I’m up in the high Sierra mountains, truly unplugged. There’s no electricity, no telephone, no wifi, no cell service, nothing. If we do want to get in touch with the outside world, we either have to walk 15 minutes up The Road (there’s only one) to the campground to the public pay phone or drive 3.5 miles down The Road to the “City” (a rustic store that mostly sells pie and marshmallows to campers, along with a pay-per-day wifi connection).

On the plus side, making the connection hard to get to makes it a much more conscious choice. And when I’m in that world, and connected to nature and the basics of living, I am so much more relaxed than when I am at home in the thick of “so many things to do.”

I thought, why not see if I can make that feeling of true, deep relaxation happen for myself more than just once a year?

The connection for sensitives

This is highly relevant for sensitive, introverted, writers, and creatives, particularly because we tend to have such rich, complex inner lives and focus so much of our attention inwardly already. Although the technological connections we can make can feel external (because we are often connecting with others online, for instance), to me it feels like it takes us deeper inside our own heads.

And too much time inside my own head doesn’t really feel like a good thing. (A little like eating too much chocolate cake — there is a just right amount, but too much feels awful.)

Let’s face it, the constant accessibility of online activities — even or especially in the guise of “down time” — is highly overstimulating. Although we may be connecting with others, which can be considered more “extroverted,” or relaxing by playing around on Twitter, Facebook, or digital games, we’re actually taking in stimuli and information.

That information can become so overloading, it’s no wonder we feel distracted, busy, and overwhelmed. Couple that with the common sensitive’s tendency to be afraid that we’ll miss something, and you’ve got a recipe for constant overstimulation doing what might otherwise look like quietly being at home.

This is true for anything we’re engaged with that involves going deep into our own minds and not interacting in the day-to-day Real world. Even reading to excess, though I hate to say it. Again, too much of a good thing is still too much.

The invitation

So when my Called to Write member raised this point, I thought, “Okay, it’s time to try a ‘technology shabbat’.”

This is something I’ve been hearing about for a while from Tiffany Shlain since I first got interested in her and her work Connected: The Film, about being interconnected in this new technological era. Like me, Shlain sees the possibilities in the amazing ways we are connected now. And she also sees the overwhelm factor associated with it.

She recently sent an email invitation to her mailing list, saying, “Will you try unplugging with me?”

My answer: Yes.

What’s a technology shabbat?

In her own home, Shlain’s family practices a regular weekly “technology shabbat,” from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday, where they turn off their electronic devices and focus on their time together.

In her recent article on the subject, she notes “Researchers at the National Institute on Drug Abuse have compared the sense of technological dependency — the feeling that we must be accessible and responsive at any time and in any place — to that of drugs and alcohol.”

Case in point: It’s fascinating to me that apparently people are losing interest in visiting the mountain enclave we go to every year precisely BECAUSE it’s so hard to access phones, messages, and online accounts. But when put in the context of addiction it makes much more sense. We’ve become so accustomed to everything being at the tips of our fingers that we’ve become afraid to be without it. And to me it DOES feel like an addiction — something that’s hard to put down once I get involved in it.

So I decided to try a tech shabbat for myself.

And it was amazing.

Instead of being drawn to my phone or computer off and on all day to check email, or sucked into playing games with my son our iPad, we cleaned the house in a focused way. My son conducted experiments with glitter, water, and his sand box. I made banana bread for a family who lost a loved one recently, and I went to visit my dad who hasn’t been feeling well.

In some ways, it wasn’t anything particularly unusual or different than I might have normally done. In fact, the specific things we did we might well have done anyway.

But we did them without interruption.

I didn’t feel like I was missing anything. Much. :)

I felt calmer. I felt present. I felt happier.

The real test came when it was over and time to check in again. Had disaster struck? Had anything gone awry? Would there be 18,000 emails from angry customers or desperate assistants?

Nope.

All was well.

And it felt great.

What’s been interesting to notice since then is 1) how I have gone back to being highly involved in the technology again, but while 2) feeling somewhat resentful of the intrusion of it. I was reminded that when I first started my business I used to methodically shut down my computer every Friday night and not reboot it until Monday morning. And that was back before I had a cell phone or any of the myriad of ways to stay plugged in. (Does this remind anyone else of The Matrix?)

I also feel myself turning over in my mind some new rules about how I want to regularly engage with technology or not. What time and where, those kinds of things.

But mostly, it’s been an incredible reminder of a simple way to create what feels like a vacation day to me, without even leaving town. What a treat!

Warmly,

 Jenna

 

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Cherishing the moments we have

December 21, 2011 by 7 Comments

I’ve never been good at cherishing the moment or being “in the now.”

I’m an Enneagram Four, so I’m pretty much always wanting more and nothing is ever quite good enough.

From time to time, I find my way out of that obsession and into a much more present place with what’s available to me. Interestingly, writing early has made a huge difference in my ability to be more present and to cherish the moments I have. It’s as if showing up and doing my true work is allowing my brain to quiet down and just be. It’s so nice.

The veil between life and death

The greatest experiences in my life that have brought me the closest in to truly cherishing and experiencing life always involve deeply real things that seem to be closer to the veil between life and death. For instance, when my ex-boyfriend lay in a hospital bed on the verge of death, it was pretty clear to me what mattered and what didn’t. (A city plan? Uh, no.)

Similarly, years ago when our kitty C. J. approached the end of her life and spent two weeks insisting on being carried and held by me continuously, I found myself focusing very intently on my time with her and enjoying it profoundly — the sweet, pure energy of her attachment to me was deeply compelling. She died at home in my arms, and it was a beautiful, deep experience I’ll never forget.

I found myself in a similar situation again recently. Our lovely kitty Maddie has a tumor and we will be saying good-bye to her soon. Every night she sleeps cuddled up with us, and I feel so sad knowing we’ll have to say goodbye soon. It is also so precious to know, feel, and celebrate our connection so consciously for a time. I’ve found myself just wanting to sit on the couch and hold her all day.

A reminder to be present

These kinds of experiences remind me to be more present — with my family in particular. I’m far from perfect at it, but I find myself focusing on enjoying my time with my son and my husband at a deeper level. All that work can wait for another day.

The power of darkness

Empaths are also considered “hospice workers,” the one who can go into the darkness of life (things like death and divorce) and hold a non-verbal space for transformation and healing. A client recently asked about that — why would we want to go into the darkness?

 And I said, “What if there was something beautiful about that darkness?”

Tonight, on the Solstice, the longest night of the year, I’ll be lighting candles with my family, celebrating the wisdom I gain from the darkness.

Happy Solstice and Happy Holidays,

 Jenna

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Me? In Charge of the Federal Reserve?

March 26, 2011 by Leave a Comment

My dad apparently started a topic about me and my old job flipping hot dogs on his Cal Sports website last year and I thought it was funny enough to warrant sharing with you.

It’s true: I used to run a top dog in Montclair (Oakland, California).

It was pretty much the antithesis of the textbook job for a sensitive soul — loud, busy, rushed, etc — but I have to say, I loved it. Plus it was so good for me — it helped me find my voice and learn how to manage a crowd. The job consisted of taking hot dog and soda orders from a busy crowd of customers, yelling at the top of my lungs to coordinate all their requests and money and everything, and trying to keep a jam-packed grill of orders straight in my head. Crazy fun. :)

(N.B. The names listed here are the user names they all use on the sports forums. My dad is GreyBear. I’ve edited the thread a bit for relevance.)

“My daughter – Top Dog Manager”

GreyBea: Years ago – [she] ran the whole store, managed employees, cooked dogs, etc. Could we maybe start a draft movement to get her to run a concession at Cal/Memorial? That’s the one sure way I know to get the kind of dogs we all want to have available there.

(Investors needed.)

(She won’t do it.)

KoreAmBear: I’d be interested in investing. Congrats GB. Someone who can run a food business is someone who can make things happen. [Editor’s note: so true!] So you’re talking about after the remodel? That would be stinkin’ cool.

OneTopOneChickenApple: Will it still be $3 a dog?

Calumnus: I’d love to be involved. Great dogs and the best non-alcoholic beer we can find.

OneTopOneChickenApple: Greybear is The Man. Direct Hotline to Athletic Department and Top Dog and BearInsider boss. Count me in too, although I may only be able to invest in napkin and ketchup packet supplies.

sctawndawg: I wont invest any money but ill buy a few hot dogs every other year when SC goes up north to beat you guys.

GB54: Your daughter must have developed a lot of skills you don’t learn in books. I’ve always wondered how they hire these guys who can remember and have 58 orders going.

FremontBear: If your daughter ran Top Dog, then sight unseen, she’s better than the outfit running Memorial concessions. Ten bucks for a Polish and a drink??? Costco sells that combo for $1.50! I don’t mind Cal sports make good prfits, but at least give me the illusion my $10 is actually not that bad a ripoff. What kinds of numbers are we talking about as investment…?

GB54: Hell, if she was a top dog manager she’d be wasted in Memorial. I’d put her in charge of the Afghanistan war.

FremontBear: And the Federal Reserve too!

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